Friends

Getting better slowly,

And I get it now.

Grief is wanting to be better.

To never forget

And to be scared that if life,

Cruel as it is,

Could be good again once they’re gone…

That you were never the friend you thought you were.

I have punished myself for your death

In more ways than I had hoped.

But no matter how much I try to be okay

There will always be that voice yelling

LIFE WAS BETTER WITH YOU IN IT

Because it was.

And now I have the task of trying to make it better without you.

And

I 

Don’t 

Want 

To.

Lighter Karma

Can i grab you by your 
Solar plexus

I want to whisper to the deepest you

Where you dont tread

Fear is holding you

Telling you not to ask the cheap veneer

What is behind the door

Fear of nothing you cant answer

Youve lost your light

Handed out at dirty bars

On cheap cigarettes

Youve lost your light

But curl your fingers in

Find the lighter karma

I want to dive in

Seep around your solar plexus

Slink the rib ladder and

Beat into your heart

Find where its broken and sew up the cracks

Sew it can seam less painful

See how you decorate the walls and

Straighten the paintings

Rope Drawn Mess

Every time it happens

Every. Time.

Pinched skin back behind my ears

And crack my chest

Rope drawn mess

Following my undercarriage

Hoping to pull me inside

Out again.

And creeping bones

Like my smile

Subside after a turn

When the universe is solid

But now it is all

Squirrelling guts and

Drunken moons

Pouring another snifter of swoon

Delightful haze that blinds me

Delightful as it my be

I would rather you leave me full than

Jangle my bones in the dirt again.

The Reality

Peer through

Youd never know that behind the paintings

Hangs the reality

Pouring out through

Swirling paint drips

Trying to lick the spit through the window

So you can smell it

Taste it

Recognise the same horse behind the mirror

And shaping like a moon

You settle into the warm golden glow of the night

Arked into its smile

Looks across the yard to see

The spewing mess that overtalks

Grooming your view

Assured behind duck bills the

Guts and whinneys of 

The self despaired 

The eight burns

And you are too busy

To notice

Full with nothing

Empty overflowing

Forgot to dig your toes well into the dirt

Such a hindrance.

Your bones are showing

But your soul is kept behind the shards.

Solar

From the center

I run out from the inside

Following the grey loop

To where he sits me

Bundled string 

Knotted over lifetimes

Needing to untangle before the end

Can be found 

Tuning in

Unravel the rabble

The white noise

Slowly turns to station

In the 8's

Settled in on an

Orange cloak

Adorned in hard work

And one does not see the point

Of wasting moments

So flicks them unphased

Again the maze winds

Speeding in yellow blues to

The open space, pink and green

Through rain soaked eyes

I see you.

And lifted back to 

Steal a little taster

Twice but not as close

To drive away

Then sweet sweet lies

Down

More words escape with nothing

And washed inside by the season

The mirror is the same tone

Too far away.

Torrential it pours but inside the sunshine is solar.

Dead Roses in Water

 Curled in like petals

Kind of dreamy just unseemly

Clued in like thorns

Hanging off the wire

Ready to be clipped

You want to make it live

So you feed it but 

Youve cut it at the post

Your dead rose in water

Watch as it drains the life out

Watch it fall away like

Cracked finger nails

Gouging at the locked door

Falling desperate to the floor

Once full of life

Now nothing to adore

And no matter how fresh it runs

It cant hold aloft the crystal glass

Like a straw into his delicate hands

Nourishing the beauty

You killed to keep

The face is drawn

Veins sludge like venom

Dry up and crumple

Crack and crush

With the wave of each new second

All your love counts for nothing

When you cut the cord

My beautiful love

A dead rose in water

Does not see the point. 

Dancing in Berlin

 So far from forever

Jutting out of my own neck like crystal

Fingers clawing at the day

And half the world away

Bracelets like braces

Golden handcuffs hold me steady

Watching the gold watch tick closer

I'm the only thing thats ready

To jump out of my skin

Make my life begin -

Half the world stands between

Me and dancing in Berlin 

So sharp the 2020 vision

The wall to a prison built for just me

Fond of it as ive become

Its no longer a necessity 

So tap each foot across the devils bridge

I am all the gruff goats

Knocking at the goblins door 

Before heading to the greener grass

Schön, ich bin here at last

Shut Up

 The sky understands how i feel today

I can bring you so close, but youre so far away

And it kinda burns

The sky understands how i feel today

Its tinged with blue and kinda grey

And i want to reach you

And it kinda burns

Shut up with your pretty eyes

I want to drop everything and pour myself into

A plane! A boat! I’d fucking swim so

Shut up!

Shut up with your pretty eyes! 

The sky is crying i guess it knows how i feel

Like this is a wasted chance and

If its.

 the right. 

time but. its the wrong place Then Just. Relax. 

I’ll be going away! 

Watch your back, Charlie.

Looking for deliverance

Theres something broken within your head

Dont know how to save your point of view

Guess Ill have to fight you.

How many times do I have to break through

How many times do I have to break you?

Sick and tired of this diatribe so to put it right

How many times do I have to break through?

Just trying to kill the pain

Looks like we’re on this ego trip again

Try hard - You pick the facts to explain

Another dumb prick, with no use for your brain

(Ch)

Instrumental

Br

Sick of the same bro crowd

Dont try to touch my hand

Im not afraid to go through you

Im not just another pretty notch

(Ch)

Unclaim the stupid lie

Ive claimed my stupid life

Retrain that stupid lie

I blame the stupid liars

(Ch)

Maleficent

What makes you you?

What makes you me?

What makes you blue?

What makes you bleed?

Who makes it easy?

Who makes it sleezy?

Who makes it?

I wonder motionless I face

The opposition turned to waste

I drape your figure from my bones

Alone

You dream so far 

you sleep awake

I try to wake you up i shake

You in my dreams youre in my space

But when you wake Im still a state

Wake me

Wake me up

Why cant you wake me up?

(x2)

So in a semi-dreamless state

You walk alone you skim you take

Disassociate from yourself

Like a puppet on the shelf for someone else

You feel so sad you take a pill

Youre disconnected from free will

You dance pretending youre not ill

But youre an actor and youre dressed to kill

Youre your own maleficent

Pretending youre magnificent

Yeah, youre so damn innocent

So in lover with your descent

But youre hardly ever present

Master of your own lament

Saying:

Wake me 

wake me up

Why cant you wake me up

(x2)

Muddy Boots

You’re so caught up in your old messy bed you want to lay in it.

You’re so caught up in the past - 

You miss that musk 

That familiar smell and youre in hell and youre distressed and youre wearing

(Chorus)

Muddy boots in your carpet

Dirty sheets in your bed

And your crusty eyes that obscure your sight 

Yeah youre a mess and youre distressed but

It‘s Alright.

Your heart is hollow

Thinking hard of how to fix what is missed

You wonder how you can change her mind.

He‘s unimpressed but everything but

Clutches on too tight  but its alright

Cause alone you get sick of you too and those old

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

Your heart is empty

This broken down house used to light up the whole street

Now

All it seems to do

Is crumble 

Right in front of you

Left too long it‘s not love

No its the same lesson you ignored the last time

Left to long its not love

No its the same lesson you ignored the last time…

(Chorus x2)

You‘re so caught up in your old messy bed you want to lay in it.

Bish

(Intro) 

Youre such a bish

Such a tiny little bish

You are.

Such a stupid little bish

Such a tiny man-bish

You are.

Oh a bastard and a bish

Inconsiderate bish 

You are.

Such a loser and a bish

And a sensitive bish you are.

Oh yes you are.

(Chorus)

Cause there’s a brain in youre head

But you’re too damn smart

You;ve got the knowledge 

But your mind lacks that spark

Try to restart and set apart like art but

It’s too hard to impart to your plastic heart

Your plastic heart

You send a compliment after a tantrum

Think that you can just disguise the haters anthem?

It’s kind of sad but this shit ain’t random

Sending off warning signs like a memorandum

I’ve experienced enough gaslighting and bad behaviour

To think I wouldnt recognise the same damn flavor of

Tedious tedium

Entitled delerium

And I see through your intentions like a 

Glass museum

(Intro)

Cause I’ve been through these words

And I’ve been through this abuse and Im 

Not waiting around to learn your violent truth

And I balk at your pride

Dead eyed by the roadside

The snide tide rising til it’s no longer dignified

So tell me that I’m special

So you can tell me that Im shit

How no one else will love me

And how I should deal with it

That you’re the only one that cares

And my effort should improve

And that I’ll never compare to someone as good as you.

(Intro)

(Chorus)

Your plastic heart.

Dead and Lovely (2020)

Oh, I underestimated

How much I wanted what I could feel

Whats mine was yours I surrendered the past

My future my present was part of the deal

And i gifted my time

My head and my heart were not mine and I

Suffered in silence alone alone

As I laid down my heart and my future was thrown.

(Pre Chorus)

Oh how can I negate the deal?

Forget you existed - Where can I appeal

To the judges the jury the kingdom the court

Tell me how can i undo

You.

(Chorus)

Youre so lovely

Dead and lovely

I can’t fill your grave

Nor flowers throw

You’re so lovely

Dead and lovely

I’ll keep telling myself til this love is undone

I cant have you haunt you or brighten your day

And the pyre’s on fire and you’re dead, I’ll say

That you’re lovely

Dead and lovely

So rest well so long goodbye

I’ll try not to miss you, 

Goodbye.

You were perfection

Changed my direction

You were my obsession

And every connection

I was lost for words 

You’re beyond comprehension

But now I’ve lost my inspiration

And all my affection feels like an affliction

So heres my confession

Without it oh I’d be lost

(Pre-chorus)

(Instrumental)

(Chorus)

Broken Lip (2020)

Youre a broken lip

Youre a glass of poison -

Can I take a sip?

Oh Ive gotta get out of this bubble

Gotta put down the glass that

Ive held aloft all this

Time is an illusion

And if I must believe

Why can’t I believe in me?

I have lost my grip

On what matters, and its not matter at all

When you melt through the floor

Oh, I’ve gotta get up from this table

While I can still breathe while I’m still enabled

While I can still believe I can still believe.

(Chorus)

Oh bring me my horror

I’m a broken lip.

Send in the demons

I’m still getting a grip now now oh

Bring me my bucket and bring me my spade

Lie me on the beach and just go away.

Til we awaken the monsters that die in our sleep

Let them into the world as I slide slide down.

Bring in the horrors and tell all the tales 

Of the wars and the scars and the fails

All the rambling horses and times you were dead in the field

Bring the wounds and the wagons and change all the sheets

Feel the rain and the lessons and feel the relief

Cradle the wolves til its all gone

And you fade fade down.

You’re a broken lip.

Your’e a glass of poison - Can I take a sip?

Hate and Whiskey (2020)

So much time out

So much wading in 

Wading out

Time is gone

But Im no longer freaking out

Goodbye

So much less to see than 

what meets the eye

Eye for an eye

Now I dont know why I

(Chorus)

Drink this Hate and Whiskey down down down

Drink this dietetic bandaid/ altemont down down

Swallow all you are and all you were and all you ever down

Drink this hate and whiskey down 

Drink it down 

Drink it

Evident. Reverent.

To your elemental detriment

Set your places in

To the regiment

Til its all prevalent

Trash machine

Stop adhede. 

Until yourself do you concede

Notably

Plant the seed

Or face the wall with me

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

So fill your cup

It should be rough

But it kind of fills you up

Its not enough

Swallow your best 

Some would say

Maybe its not your time yet, so 

(Chorus to fade)